Sing To The Western Wind

My loose aerial smacks against nan extracurricular wall. I move and look nan garden, wherever shadows title successful beforehand of nan darkness; wherever nan overgrown roseate bush is scratching against nan window, its thorns thicker than nan veins successful my arm, its only flower larger than my trembling fist. The reflection of my withered face, pinch heavy sullen eyes, blurs down raindrops sliding down nan glass. An overcoat hangs connected an unfastened doorway down me. I move immoderate whisky and sound it back. My pharynx burns. The scent of whisky hisses retired of my nostrils.

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Pushing unfastened nan plot door, I measurement outside. Shadows vanish into nan interlocking arms of lifeless conifers astatine nan acold extremity of my garden.

There is nary upwind and nan rainfall has gone. My caller aluminium bin is still successful nan mediate of nan garden, wherever I had near it, afloat of contents fresh to burn. All that now remains is for maine to assistance nan lid, move nan achromatic tone into nan bin and group it connected fire.

A powerful information ray connected 1 of nan houses crossed nan backmost alley has conscionable travel on. I assistance nan lid disconnected nan bin. I person shredded everything that could nexus nan explosives to nan friend who sewage them for me. The shreds are beneath nan aged timepiece I bought each those years ago, nan 1 that ne'er worked. The timepiece is look down connected a heap of day cards, each marked ‘Return to sender’ successful my girl Aisha’s handwriting. I prime up a returned paper and look astatine nan handwritten words. The curve of nan ‘R’ is simply a cleanable semi-circle that cuts done nan near limb of nan letter, and its correct limb is somewhat turned upwards, breaking conscionable earlier nan commencement of nan ‘e’. The ‘t’ is crossed pinch a agelong cut. The words are adjacent together, successful a cleanable consecutive line. There are 3 ample exclamation marks astatine nan end, pinch their dots dangling beneath them. The words are underlined pinch 3 heavy lines, visible from nan different broadside of nan card’s envelope. I ideate Aisha scribbling these, her eyebrows curling towards each other, conscionable for illustration her mother’s utilized to erstwhile she stared unblinkingly astatine me. I deliberation backmost to nan past clip I had seen nan soundlessness of those eyes.

Aisha’s eighth day was successful a fewer days’ time. I had a speedy pint pinch immoderate mates and went location early from work. She was squatting adjacent to her mother connected a large achromatic rug, leaning against a settee, rhythmically rocking backwards and forwards pinch a qaida, pinch which she was learning to publication nan Quran, repeating a missive and a connection successful Arabic. Her mother was leaning complete an unfastened Quran that sat successful a carved woody holder. When I walked in, she adjusted nan dupatta connected her caput and continued moving her digit on a page, reference aloud.

Aisha looked astatine me, snapped her qaida shut, changeable up and hopped astir her mother, who grabbed her limb and yanked her down, saying, ‘Never assistance your ft higher than nan beatified Quran.’

‘Let her go, Yasmin!’ I ordered.

Yasmin ignored me, opened Aisha’s qaida and said, ‘Repeat your lesson.’

‘How galore times person I said it’s a discarded of clip reference words successful a connection you don’t understand?’

Aisha looked astatine maine pinch pleading eyes. ‘You tin get up, Aisha,’ I said.

Her mother glared astatine her. Aisha opened her qaida.

I smiled astatine Aisha and said, ‘Come, my daughter, let’s spell for a Chinese and you tin show maine what you want for your birthday.’

Aisha snatched her limb free from her mother and ran to me. Yasmin started reciting from nan Quran again.

Before leaving nan house, Aisha held my manus and took maine to nan kitchen, wherever her schoolhouse container was dangling disconnected nan backmost of a chair. She rummaged done it and handed maine an envelope. It was her schoolhouse report. I sat down connected a chair. Aisha jumped into my thigh and stared astatine maine arsenic I publication nan report: Whilst Aisha is simply a agleam intelligent child, she gets saturated quickly and is often disruptive successful class.

‘Have I been a bully girl, Abba?’ Aisha asked.

I kissed her connected nan caput and said, ‘You person been an angel.’

Aisha’s look lit up pinch joyousness and she vaulted to nan fridge, poured immoderate pome juice into a integrative glass, gulped it down and tossed nan quiet solid into nan descend earlier turning towards me.

As we were leaving nan house, I said, ‘But it says you are sometimes a spot naughty successful class.’

Aisha stepped successful beforehand of me, placed her hands connected nan sides of her hips and protested, ‘Dad! You’re horrible.’

‘But it besides says that you are really helpful, and ever perceive to your teacher.’

Aisha beamed pinch joy, put her small manus successful mine, skipped on and asked, ‘Why does Mummy ne'er travel pinch america to nan Chinese?’

‘She conscionable doesn’t,’ I said. ‘Tell me, what would you like?’

‘Why do grown-ups ever fight?’

‘They don’t . . .’

‘When you and Mummy are not fighting fighting, you’re still fighting, conscionable not fighting fighting.’

‘Come on, what do you want for your birthday?’ I asked.

Aisha fto spell of my hand, stepped successful beforehand of me, gave maine a awesome large grin and said, ‘I’m not allowed to deterioration dresses now that I americium increasing up, Mummy says.’

‘If you want a dress for your birthday, you’ll get a dress for your birthday. And I’ll show your mother you tin deterioration immoderate you like,’ I said, grabbing clasp of Aisha’s limb conscionable arsenic she was astir to measurement disconnected nan pavement.

At nan Chinese, Aisha sat connected 1 of 2 gangly stools and insisted connected eating successful nan shop. I stood adjacent to her, watching her arsenic she shoved ample chunks of chickenhearted bosom into her mouth. She spot into a mini ketchup packet. It burst open. Some of it dribbled into nan takeaway container and immoderate down her yellowish flowery frock. Throwing a mischievous look astatine me, she licked ketchup retired of nan box.

‘That’s capable now. Let’s spell home,’ I said, placing nan lid backmost connected nan takeaway container.

Yasmin was successful nan room erstwhile we came backmost into nan house. Pointing to Aisha’s dress, I said to Yasmin, ‘You should thatch your girl immoderate amended eating manners.’

‘What bully are manners erstwhile you provender my kid what you do and bring unclean worldly into my house?’ Yasmin protested.

She was a mini woman, overmuch smaller than erstwhile I had first met her. Her achromatic hairsbreadth was tied into a agelong plait that fell complete her shoulder. Her eyes were ever moist, pinch acheronian patches underneath. Even successful beforehand of me, she ensured that her dupatta afloat covered her head.

Giving maine a acold stare, pinch knotted brows she said, ‘How tin you springiness her this nutrient to eat?’

‘And you tin really show nan difference?’ I shouted.

Aisha snatched her manus distant from me, went up to her mother and hugged her.

‘Halal nutrient is halal, my husband.’

‘You tin sensation nan difference, woman, tin you?’

‘The quality is here,’ Yasmin said, placing her manus crossed her chest.

Yasmin picked up a insubstantial and, wiping Aisha’s mouth, added, ‘Don’t put your soiled sins connected my daughter.’

‘How situation you reproach me,’ I said. I pulled a chickenhearted drumstick retired of nan container, tore immoderate soma disconnected it, shoved it into Yasmin’s rima and hissed, ‘Tell maine nan fucking quality woman. Tell maine nan difference!’

Placing her hands complete her ears, Aisha hid down her mother. Yasmin pulled herself distant from me, turned to nan room descend down her and spat retired nan meat. A infinitesimal later she vomited. When she had finished, she rinsed her rima and wiped her look pinch her greenish dupatta and said calmly, almost successful a whisper, ‘Do you do this to your goree, your achromatic woman?’

How situation she bring Carol into this? I thought.

‘But past achromatic soma wouldn’t return it for illustration me, eh, my husband?’ Yasmin mocked arsenic she went past maine towards Aisha, who had stood wherever she was, mortified. Holding onto Aisha’s hand, Yasmin led her past me. ‘No 1 eats successful this location because you eat haram and eat that forbidden outsider,’ she said quietly.

‘And it is called soure, a pig. Yes, a pig and not an outsider,’ I retorted.

Holding tightly to her mother’s legs, Aisha said meekly arsenic she went past, ‘Abba, I conscionable want to beryllium normal.’

‘You are normal, my sweet.’ Tears of vexation burnt successful my eyes.

‘And you shouldn’t do this benignant of point to Mummy.’ Aisha’s words wounded me. Taking a heavy breath, I said to

Yasmin, ‘I americium sorry . . .’

After kissing her mother connected nan forehead, Aisha hopped past maine and ran into nan surviving room. Moments later nan tv burst into life. Yasmin closed nan room doorway pinch her bottommost and said, ‘You whitethorn beryllium my husband.’ Lifting nan lid disconnected a cookware of dhal that was simmering connected nan state cooker, she added, ‘You are not my God.’

She reached up, opened a cupboard and took a container out.

‘I person told you, this worldly will not enactment successful my house, my husband,’ she said, unscrewing a vessel of whisky.

‘Don’t you situation touch it, you girl of a unsighted donkey,’ I yelled.

‘I cannot slumber pinch nan knowledge that this worldly is here.’ Yasmin held her manus complete her chemoreceptor arsenic she emptied nan vessel into nan sink.

‘It is azygous malt,’ I screamed. ‘You bitch!’

I gripped her manus pinch my near and raised my correct manus to onslaught her. She turned to maine and looked astatine maine without blinking. I snatched what was near successful nan bottle, poured myself a ample whisky, knocked it back, and thought while going to nan eating room astatine nan backmost of nan house, ‘I would beryllium amended disconnected if nan bitch were dead!’

‘I request you again my husband,’ Yasmin said, stepping successful aft maine a short while later. Placing a tray of nutrient successful beforehand of me, she added, ‘Do not portion sharab, particularly not successful beforehand of my girl and successful my house. One time she will turn up.’

Knocking nan tray disconnected nan table, I said, ‘I will portion present and I will support it here. This is my house.’

I poured myself different whisky and knocked it backmost successful 1 gulp. The image of nan ample room weapon flashed done my mind. How easy it would beryllium to slit her throat, I thought. The warmth of nan whisky filled my stomach. I shook my head, hoping to pursuit nan murderous thoughts away. But they fought back. The weapon seemed to person jumped retired of nan drawer and was floating towards me. I stood up and shook my caput again. The weapon vanished. I turned to time off and arsenic I opened nan beforehand door, she said, ‘The stench is bad capable connected your breath, but what is worse is nan scent of that achromatic female of yours.’

I did not move around. I knew she was picking nutrient disconnected nan floor. She waited for a consequence from maine and past said, ‘You should not person joined maine erstwhile you loved another.’

I walked retired into nan garden, slamming nan doorway down me.

Standing extracurricular nan door, I thought, really situation she bring Carol into everything? I should person near her successful nan village. She would ne'er stop.

I was astir to spell backmost wrong erstwhile she opened nan door, weapon successful hand. I stepped inside, grabbed her manus pinch nan knife, put nan extremity of nan leaf connected my thorax and said, ‘Go on, do it!’

I was trembling pinch rage. She stared astatine maine coldly.

‘Let spell of my Mummy now, Abba!’ Aisha said, bursting into nan kitchen. She ran astatine maine and spot my leg.

I shook my limb and Aisha stumbled backwards screaming, ‘Mummy!’

‘Aisha, spell into nan different room,’ Yasmin said.

Aisha went retired of nan room and unopen nan door, shouting, ‘I dislike you, Abba!’ complete and complete again. I fto spell of Yasmin and pushed her distant from me, saying, ‘This has to end.’

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From Sing to nan Western Wind by Tariq Mehmood. Used pinch support of nan publisher, Verso Fiction. Copyright © 2025 by Tariq Mehmood.