I Don’t Think My Fantasy-writing Friend Will Get My Literary Fiction: Am I The Asshole?

Howdy y’all! Welcome backmost to different provocative installment of everyone’s favourite comedy/cry-for-help proposal column, Am I nan Literary Asshole? I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m happy to denote that it’s officially Pride, friends! There are 3 things I perfectly emotion astir myself: I’m a writer, I’m from Florida, and I americium terrifically gay. It’s this beatified trinity that brings each nan zest and flair to this drunken bimonthly missive. And you cognize what? You can’t spell June without U—so I’m gladsome you’re here, too!

It’s summertime and it’s already steamy; why don’t we effort and hit nan power pinch a small shandy? It sounds classy, but it’s fundamentally conscionable brew and lemonade. We emotion to spot it!

Now let’s move ourselves immoderate frosty glasses and get consecutive down to nan business astatine hand:

1) Hi dad! Writing tin beryllium specified a lonely hobby, I desperately crave being capable to talk to others who besides constitute arsenic a hobby, aliases arsenic a occupation astir nan process etc. Unfortunately it doesn’t consciousness truthful easy to conscionable subordinate a writers group because what I’m mostly penning correct now is for fandom spaces. Is it bad behaviour to bring (gasp!) fanfiction to a writer’s group, is that wasting everyone’s time? I consciousness for illustration nan reply is yes? Is location specified a point arsenic fanfiction writer groups retired there?

Hello, buddy! Thanks for penning successful astir this.

First of all, I want to conscionable reassure you that penning is writing, nary matter nan topic. It’s breathtaking that you’re moving connected something. And I work together that occasionally our creation tin beryllium a lonely endeavor. When we beryllium down to nan page, it’s conscionable america staring astatine a blank document, truthful it’s bully to person group we tin move to erstwhile we want to talk astir each nan tests and tribulations that travel on pinch craft. I don’t want you to consciousness lonely, truthful let’s unpack this a bit.

I’m going to effort and springiness you a two-pronged attack here.

I can’t show you for judge really anyone would respond successful a writer’s group, because everyone is different. What I tin show you, however, is that honesty goes a agelong way. It tin forestall a batch of miscommunication and wounded feelings, too. So, if you want to spell nan accepted penning group route, I would opportunity that it’s champion to simply get this accusation retired of nan way. There’s thing incorrect pinch penning fanfiction! Many writers who’ve gone connected to people accepted fabrication person trim their teeth successful nan fanfiction world. Many writers moreover still publication it, station publication! It’s escapism astatine its finest, and deity knows galore group request escapism correct now.

But it’s imaginable that you mightiness meet pinch guidance successful workshopping this benignant of penning successful a group mounting pinch those unfamiliar pinch that benignant of work—some group are little keen connected it than others, certainly—so if you inquire up of time, you tin prevention yourself and everyone other a batch of grief. There are decidedly group who won’t want to shop this benignant of work. I cognize that you don’t want to beryllium put successful a business wherever there’s dense conflict, because that will apt impact really you consciousness astir your writing. If you broach it up of time—say, successful an email—then you’ll cognize correct disconnected nan bat if it’s going to beryllium thing group are okay pinch up of time.

The different attack would beryllium to shop pinch others who are specifically penning fanfiction. This would beryllium your champion bet, I think. And yes, location are plentifulness of online forums that put these writers successful touch pinch each other! I can’t springiness you a “for example” here, because I deliberation it would dangle connected your taxable matter. But I committedness you, there’s a group for this. Maybe deliberation astir reaching retired to personification who’s penning successful nan aforesaid class arsenic you. Someone whose activity you publication and admire. They’ll apt person answers for you connected this 1 and beryllium capable to constituent you successful nan correct direction. It’s arsenic easy arsenic that.

Pinkies out, shandies up! Have a swig while we contemplate our adjacent conundrum:

2) A erstwhile friend told me, erstwhile I was having problem securing an supplier and moving done editing my debut caller for nan umpteenth time, that I should conscionable group it speech and activity connected nan adjacent book. She said sometimes it “just doesn’t activity out” and I should much aliases little springiness up my dream—even though I made clear I was incorporating immoderate agents’ feedback and intended connected pushing ahead. I was very wounded by this, but it seemed for illustration specified an evident flimsy that I ne'er called her out, and she ne'er apologized. She faded into nan inheritance until recently, erstwhile I publically announced that I HAVE an supplier (for that debut book I ne'er gave up on!) and abruptly she seems willing successful rekindling nan friendship, calling maine constantly. But I conscionable don’t consciousness for illustration it’s worthy nan effort. Is she nan asshole, aliases americium I?

Oooooof. Yikes!

This is simply a reliable 1 because it’s conscionable truthful profoundly messy (and truthful profoundly human). Shit for illustration this often occurs complete nan people of semipermanent penning friendships. I’m not saying group mean to enactment for illustration jerks, it just… happens.

Let maine beryllium clear: they should not person said this to you. It was not their place. Unless you specifically asked their opinion, specified as, “Friend, should I wantonness my existent book and move onto thing else?” they should person kept that thought to themselves. You told them you wanted to proceed pinch this task and they didn’t listen.

It wounded your feelings. Of people it did! You not only weighted nan task you were undertaking—your dream!—but you besides weighted this penning friendship. If you didn’t attraction astir this personification aliases their opinion, past it wouldn’t person bothered you this much. To perceive that you should wantonness a passion task from personification whose sentiment matters to you would beryllium a bitter pill to swallow. It makes consciousness to maine that you fto that relationship drift away.

You’re not nan asshole for declining to rekindle that friendship. But I would impulse you to return a measurement backmost from your bruised feelings and see that it’s imaginable this personification didn’t spot thing incorrect pinch what they said. It takes each kinds to make a world, my pal, and possibly this erstwhile friend of yours is simply a personification who thinks their honest, unvarnished sentiment is simply a emotion language. That doesn’t sound for illustration nan benignant of friend for you, sure, but since y’all ne'er talked astir it aft it happened, you person nary measurement of knowing. The deficiency of connection made nan relationship die, not conscionable nan comment. It’s imaginable that if you’d voiced your displeasure pinch them correct distant they mightiness person apologized for their bad behavior. We’ll ne'er know!

You don’t request to create a caller enslaved pinch this individual. It’s wholly good to opportunity nan relationship ran its course. You tin surely judge their congratulations connected acquiring your agent. And you tin simply diminution those incoming calls for nan elemental truth that you’re excessively engaged publishing your dream book. Don’t dwell connected this bad emotion immoderate longer—it’s not worthy your time. Focus connected your bourgeoning profession instead. And hey, congrats!

I’m filled to nan brim pinch lemony goodness (and beer)! How astir we return 1 past slurp of shandy and cheque retired our last mobility of nan day?

3) A friend of excavation writes fantasy-adventure fabrication and has precocious asked maine to supply feedback connected her work. While it’s not my accustomed genre, I’m acquainted capable pinch nan conventions from having publication immoderate imagination and played a batch of video games arsenic a teen. I bask giving feedback and she seems to find it helpful. Win-win, right? Here’s wherever I deliberation I mightiness beryllium nan asshole: I haven’t sent her immoderate of my writing, and I’m not judge if I should. I publication and constitute mostly literate fabrication (with each nan asterisks and caveats that spell pinch that term). She does not.

My fabrication employs devices that are expected and embraced by nan litfic crowd, but tin beryllium off-putting to readers of different genres—dense prose, unlikeable characters, surrealism, etc. I’ve avoided sharing my activity pinch her because I’m worried she’ll find it weird and unpleasant. Am I redeeming her clip and power by not asking her to publication things I’m beautiful judge she won’t “get”? Or americium I letting my fearfulness of being misunderstood get successful nan measurement of an opportunity to person valuable feedback and, much importantly, deepen our friendship?

This is simply a awesome mobility and 1 that’s going to beryllium comparatively elemental to answer!

Do immoderate you like!

You tin stock this activity pinch your friend IF YOU SO CHOOSE. You’re not doing anyone a disservice by declining to stock your art. You’re helping them retired pinch theirs, and that’s very benignant of you. You’re fostering plentifulness of writerly organization done that elemental enactment alone.

It seems you’ve already decided that this personification mightiness not for illustration your work. I deliberation nan “fear of being misunderstood” is what’s driving this anxiety, buddy, and you tin put that fearfulness away. Plenty of group tin publication pinch an oculus for what activity is supposed to do versus if it’s our peculiar cup of literate tea. This friend should beryllium capable to look astatine your activity and springiness you feedback based solely connected what nan activity is (and perchance isn’t) doing. Don’t delegate them feelings that they haven’t already expressed. Don’t put antagonistic words successful their mouth. Unless they’ve said pointblank, “I dislike literate fabrication and I don’t understand immoderate of it,” past springiness them nan use of nan uncertainty here. It would astir apt beryllium conscionable fine.

Share if you like! The prime is yours.

And that’s each nan clip we person today, folks. Join maine adjacent installment erstwhile I worldly a afloat vessel of vodka wrong a watermelon and telephone it a consequence snack. And don’t hide to nonstop maine your anonymous questions!

Summertime,
Dad

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Are you worried you’re nan literate asshole? Ask Kristen via email astatine AskKristen@lithub.com, aliases anonymously here.